Stupid Questions — $0.93 (A visit to Falling Rock)

I’ve heard people talk about Falling Rock as if it’s the Soup Nazi restaurant of Seinfeld fame.

I hope to show an awesomer side. (I’m comfortable using awesomer, and so can you!)

Falling Rock Tap House is a known entity. It’s not a new spot, and it’s not in some back alley. If you’re a beer drinker, and you’ve been to Denver, you’ve heard of Falling Rock. If not, you have now.

Chances are, since you’re already visiting RateBeer.com and HopPress.com, you don’t need any convincing to go to Falling Rock. If you haven’t paid homage to it yet, I’d suggest adding it to your list of things to do before… well, to do soon.

I go to Falling Rock a lot. It’s relatively close, (I live a whole 4 miles away. You can throw things at me now if you’d like.), and I’m there at least once a week. This isn’t bragging. This is a qualifier for why my experience might be a little different than yours. I go there a lot. You should too.

Unlike the video above (for those of you with proxy servers at work who can’t waste time on YouTube, it’s a Seinfeld clip from a Soup Nazi episode), it’s not that hard to get a beer. Especially on a Wednesday night, which is when the examples in this post happened. But in general, whether you’re there for lunch on a Monday or after a baseball game on a Friday, it’s not quite like the Soup Nazi. I’ve heard of a lot of people complaining about the service, the expediency, the attitude. Whatever.

Unless you wait at the bar for 15 minutes to order a beer, and finally catch a bartender’s eye, and don’t know what to order. Don’t be that guy. Or girl. They will ignore you equally, male or female. And don’t think that asking for the bartender’s favorite or “what’s good” will ameliorate your forthcoming exile. If the bar is 15 people deep, and you finally get the chance to order, and you say “whatever you like is fine”, the bartender is going to turn around, grab the first tap he sees, and pour you a glass. Could be great. Could be exactly what you want. Probably won’t be.

So before you stand in line for a beer, grab a menu. Ask someone who looks like a regular. Have a fallback (Arrogant Bastard is generally a good one to ask for when you start to stutter). Just don’t stare blankly at the wall of taps.

Honestly, if you really like beer, go to Falling Rock on any night besides Friday or Saturday. While it is by far one of the best bars in Denver, it is in LoDo. So on the weekend, it’s going to be crowded. Don’t get pissed off, just be patient. I remember one girl who, after calling the bartenders d-bags, and doing so very loudly, she was surprised she wasn’t served. She then announced to no one in particular, since no one was listening to her, that she wasn’t going to tip. This is what is known as the extreme of self-fulfilling prophecies.

Next time you’re at any crowded bar, let alone one of the best beer bars in the world, look around. There are 75 taps. There are 2 bartenders. There are 100 people trying to get beer. The bartenders, when they get to you, know exactly where the beer you ordered flows from. They can generally tell you what beer you want before you’ve seen the menu. To really see the amazing quality of this bar, and the full expanse of each and every employee’s knowledge, stop by on a weeknight. Sit at the bar. Have a conversation.

If you want to feel ignored, not get any beer, and walk away with a sour (not the good kind) taste in your mouth, call the bartenders d-bags and don’t tip.

Anyway, I went to Falling Rock on Wednesday night for some beer and food (I also went Thursday night, so please excuse typos in this post). My companions for the evening were Tyler, a friend from college, and Chad, his brother. It was Chad’s birthday.

I arrived around 7:15 pm. Parking wasn’t great, but it wasn’t terrible. I found a spot a block away, put four quarters in, and left it.

Tyler and Chad were running late, so I was the first inside. There was some sort of convention group downstairs, which added an awesome people watching element for the entire night. I found an open table (there are only 8 booths and a few 4-tops), and dug in for the long haul.

My first order was a Left Hand Black Jack Porter on cask.

They were out.

Next option was a Port Santa’s Little Helper.

Out of that too.

Falling Rock changes about 5-10 taps a week, on a normal week. For the holidays, they drained 26 taps, to make room for 26 Christmas ales. In February, they’ll do it again for barley wines. And in October, for GABF, they’ll put about 5 new kegs on a night. A night. All week. Did you book your tickets yet?

My first successful order was a Sierra Nevada Celebration.

The beer came out at a great temperature: not too cold – I like to actually taste my beers. I didn’t have a thermometer on me, but it was probably about 45-50. The glass was clean. No chips or cracks. Good stuff.

Oh, and the beer was tasty. Smooth, hoppy, delicious. I’d probably give it an A-.

Tyler contemplating the Dupont Avex les Bon Voeux

Tyler and Chad showed up right after I got my beer. Tyler ordered a Dupont Avec les Bon Voeux. I took notes, which is how I spelled that so well. Chad had an Arrogant Bastard. See note above about great fallback.

Falling Rock is a no frills sort of place. The menu has some awesome food, and some awesome non-food notes. For example, all prices look strange, with odd cents and whatnot, so that your total bill can be paid with quarters as the smallest change. In fact, they don’t keep anything smaller than a quarter in the register. Makes counting out at the end of the night that much easier. Also, stupid questions cost 93 cents. I’m pretty sure they actually do charge that.

I love the food there. We started with some beer battered shroomz, which are always too hot when they come out, and that’s a fact I forget until I’ve burnt my tongue. Considering how many other Pavlovian responses I have, you’d figure I’d have learnt that by now. Nope. Burnt tongue.

I’ve had a few different things for entrees, but I almost always default back to the Johnny Cash Burger, a 1/3 lb patty on Texas toast, topped with bacon, cheddar, onion, and BBQ sauce. Side of fries with the blackened seasoning. It’s frickin amazing, if you like greasy bar food. Which I do.

When Tyler saw this on the menu, he got excited.

Texas Toast! Bacon! F the wings!

Tyler and Chad also had the Johnny Cash.

The timing was a little off this night. The shroomz came out about 2 minutes before the burgers. Not a big deal, but, that happened.

Second round of drinks. Tyler and Chad: Maredsous 8. Me: Scaldis Noel

The Noel was wonderful. Dark, a little sour, and very smooth. At $8 for 6 oz, it was expensive, but delicious. (n.b. I had the Affligem Noel last night – Thursday – and… holy batman is it amazing.)

Third and final round. Tyler and Chad: Barbar Winter Ale. Me: Boulevard Tank 7. I thought the Tank 7 was great. Perfect beer to end the night on a lighter note before walking back to my car to find 2 parking tickets in my door.

Moral of the story: If you’re in a rush, want something yellow and fizzy, or hate America and all things fun, go somewhere else. However, if you like good beer, enjoy the company of fellow craft beer drinkers, and greasy food makes you smile, not cringe, go to Falling Rock.

Beer Bar Info:

Falling Rock Tap House – fallingrocktaphouse.com
303-293-8338
1919 Blake Street
Denver CO 80202
(map)

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